If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, please hold the line so we can trace this call.

If you are schizophremic, a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manjac depressive, don't bother; no one will answer.

If you are deluded or have hallucinations, be advised the thing
on the side of your head will bite off your ear.